Why Do I Keep Finding Toxic People?

Relationships are a struggle for everyone but some people attract more toxic individuals into their lives than others. Understanding this can be the key to figuring out why you attract toxic people and how to meet others who are healthier.
Making Hurtful Choices
Looking at the hurtful selections you make can help you decide what happened. Was it a poor choice in deciding whether to pursue a relationship with someone or were you attracted to their status, intelligence, or achievements? If you want to get better at picking people to be in relationship with, you need to understand the power of making choices that are both helpful and harmful.
Connection
To pursue a healthy relationship, you need an emotional connection. This is often referred to as a ‘bond’ that is created and maintained by the ability to share and connect from the heart. This takes emotional vulnerabilities and tender feelings. Many people relate on a superficial level but long-term relationships must be important for you to keep your heart safe. In evaluation people, it helps to be careful at first to see if they are a safe person by asking if they are good listeners, are emotionally vulnerable, and how does it feel to leave their presence. It should feel better to have spent time with them than before you got together.
Boundaries
A really important aspect to relationships is boundaries. If you have mutual respect of one another’s boundaries, you will define where they end and begin. One way to tell if a person has respect for your boundaries is whether you feel free to be in control of yourself or if you feel invaded and controlled by the other person. A healthy person will respect wishes to be in control of your person and not ask you to do more than you are willing to do. If you feel free to spend as much or little time as you want with them and feel they respect your space, they are likely a safe person with good boundaries.
The challenge is that we all want to know how to spot these issues right up front but we are not always able to do it if we are not healthy ourselves. We must have boundaries that are safe and secure for ourselves with people we love before others will have them with us. It may be time to assess whether you are able to be in a healthy relationship and, if not, you can work on it and continue to grow in this area. The way we learn is by seeking support, counseling, and help to develop better strategies for finding healthy people to enter into relationship with.

Oceanfront Recovery believes in the power of healthy relationships to create safe space for you to grow and recover from addiction. If you are struggling with relationships and with addiction, we can help. Call us to find out how we can help you develop better strategies for overcoming these challenges: 877-279-1777