The amends-making process can be difficult to navigate. We embark upon a mission to clean the wreckage of our past and set things right, but sometimes we find that we are unable to directly communicate with those whom we have hurt. Whatever the reason may be, we still must find a way to clean the wreckage of our past. As the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us, “it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths got victory over alcohol.” When must ensure that we have done everything in our power to make direct amends. However, if we find that we are unable to make amends to a specific person, we begin to explore other options to right our past misdeeds. We may look at the possibility of making “symbolic amends”, that is, we use a specific action as a means of fixing our past. For example, we may turn toward charitable donations if we are unable to make a direct financial amend. This is a way of cleaning our side of the street and ensuring that we have done everything in our power to fix our past mistakes. Symbolic amends are very specific to our own situation and will be different for everyone. We must be painstaking about our amends process, so we should always discuss this decision honestly and thoroughly with our sponsor to make certain that it is the right action to take as a means of making amends. Another option is to make “living amends”. This refers to making a major change in our lives, usually beyond sobriety, as a way ensuring that nobody else will ever be harmed in the same manner as the person to whom we owe an amends. This amends requires us to do everything in our power to change the behavior that led to the harm we have caused. We look deeply at our innermost self, identifying the action that caused past harm, and we maintain an awareness of the behavior to make certain that it is never repeated. Some harms can never be fully fixed, but “we don’t worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could.” We must remember that the amends process is not simply about words, it’s about action. We talk with our sponsor about the process and develop a plan to set right our past mistakes by whatever means necessary. Only then will we experience peace, serenity, freedom, and happiness. We will be able to hold our heads high without the weight of fear, and “suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”
You can make the choice to change the story of your life. Oceanfront Recovery is a treatment center with a professional and compassionate staff of detoxification specialists dedicated to making the process as comfortable as possible. For more information about Drug and Alcohol Detox Programs or other treatment options, please call: (877) 279-1777
